《混亂媽咪日記》 教育小屁孩 Toughest Job on Earth - Parenting

就在上個週末我遇到了在當父母以來前所未有的錯愕時刻。我家的三歲兒童在兩天之內竟然對我說謊還有吐口水！沒錯，就是我覺得跟天使一般的一來，竟然對我吐！口！水！！！

當他吐口水的那刻我在大怒的同時腦裡閃過好多好多問號：他是從哪裡學來的？我怎麼會教出這麼沒有禮貌的小孩？我要如何教育他才能確保他這輩子再也不會對任何人做出這樣的舉動？ 這兩件事讓我這個禮拜一直在查如何教育小孩。這時候我真的很希望生孩子的時候可以同時生出一本使用者說明。半獸人跟小屁孩真的不是很好搞！

閱讀了很多很多文章後發現，原來說謊是與生俱來的一種求生意志。孩子從2-3歲開始就學會如何用說謊來逃避一些責罵。事實上，很早開始學會說謊的孩子表示他們腦部發育的比較快。要學會說謊這件事，孩子的腦需要成熟到可以了解兩點：1.要知道別人在想什麼，2.要快速的了解怎樣的回答才不會被懲罰。 我一直以為說謊是學習來的，在看到這些實驗之後比較放心一點。但這不表示說謊是好的，當父母的還是要一直耳提面命的教導孩子誠實是美德阿！

關於吐口水，我也是爬了很多文章，跟許多人聊過後才想起來我的兒子是三歲不是十三歲。當然不是說三歲吐口水就是對的，我還是為此懲罰他了許久，只是我一直忘記三歲的小屁孩很喜歡挑戰爸媽的底線，而且還沒辦法完全瞭解事情的對和錯。我們也是從小爸媽老師一直在我們身旁灌輸要如何做人處事，怎麼分辨對或錯，還有如何控制自己的情緒。 

我們家三歲兒童知道媽媽說吐口水（在自己的杯子裡，或者是跟弟弟玩互吐口水）很髒，不要這樣做。可是他還不了解在這個社會裡，對別人吐口水是一種極度侮辱人的舉動。他只知道他對我突然拿走他手中的玩具感到非常生氣並且不知道要如何去處理這種情緒，一氣之下就變成了吐口水。當爸媽就是在這種時候要像跳針一樣一直吼，喔不，是溫柔提醒那一些是不該做的事情。

世界上最難的工作就是如何當一個好的父母。 我的孩子才三歲就讓我有不知所措的時刻了，我真的還有好多好多要學的！

This past weekend my whole understanding on parenthood has been turned upside down by two negative acts that my 3 year old performed. The boy that I thought was the most angelic person alive lied to me one day, and spat in my face the next. YES you saw that correctly, he SPAT in my face! Well obviously he’s not tall enough to actually spat in my face, but you get the picture. Most people will gasp in disbelief that my three year old boy actually did such a demeaning and demoralizing act to me. I was horrified when he did it too, and I gave him a very looooong time out for that act. 

The moment he spat at me I questioned myself as a parent. How did I raise a boy that is capable of doing such a demeaning act? Where did he learn it from and how should I discipline him enough to ensure this doesn’t ever EVER happen EVER again?! 

To make matters even worse, he also lied to me that same weekend. It was a simple question, but instead of the truth, he decided to lie about it. For the whole weekend I searched the web for parenting advice, trying desperately to know that I am not alone on this. 

You can always count on Google to make things better (or worse when you are searching for children’s cold or flu symptoms). Apparently lying in toddlers is actually a big cognitive milestone. That’s right! It is actually a good thing believe it or not! From the website Parents.com Dr. Kang Lee a psychology professor from University of Toronto said:

that younger children who bend the truth have a cognitive advantage over the ones who don't. "Lying requires two ingredients," he explained. "Children need to understand what's in someone else's mind—to know what they know and what they don't know. We call this ability theory of mind. The children who are better at theory of mind are also better at lying."

The second requirement is executive function, otherwise known as the power to plan ahead and curb unwanted actions. "The 30 percent of the under-3s who can lie have higher executive function abilities," Dr. Lee said, "specifically the ability to inhibit the urge to tell the truth and to switch to lying." Such cognitive sophistication, he added, means that these early liars will be more successful in school and in their dealings with other kids on the playground.

Obviously this made me feel better knowing that one simple lie at the age of 3 does not mean he will for sure become a bad person when he grow up. 

With the spitting, even though I was devastated at the behavior, with more researching and talking with other parents, I come to remember the fact that my boy is only 3 years old. At this age, they are constantly learning to push and test their limits. As adults, we have been confined by the invisible social boundaries that’s been set by our parents and society, it’s easy to forget that our seemingly grown up little men actually can’t fully grasp what is right or wrong. He knows spitting in a cup is dirty and mommy said not to do it, but he doesn’t understand that spitting at someone is a very disrespectful act in the society. To him, it was just a way to let out the sudden rage that arises when I took away his favorite toy.

It is up to adults to help them understand what is acceptable behavior and how to deal with the sudden anger that arises in their tiny little bodies when something doesn’t go their way. Toddlers cannot control their emotions well, so as parents we have to repeatedly show them what is right or wrong and how to deal with different emotions. 

The toughest job on earth is without a doubt being a responsible parent, and yes I have only experienced the tiny tip of the iceberg right now... 

《混亂媽咪日記》陳二來的週歲生日趴

我們家小少爺的生日過完了，這代表為娘的我終於可以早點睡覺了！為了要當一個公平的媽咪，哥哥當初一歲有的東西弟弟也要有。除了party要有以外，我還要在回國後的10天以內生出一個週歲黑板及週歲成長相簿。聽起來不難，可是這10天內我們除了要帶孩子，還要把4個月來的幾箱行李歸位。能做這些勞作的時候也只有晚上孩子睡覺後的那幾個小時了。雖然做的好累好累好累，可是做完覺得好有成就感哦！今年的生日趴是旅行主題的喔! 話不多說，我們來看看吧！

Now that Evan’s birthday party is over, I can finally get some sleep! Ever since we came home 10 days ago I have been scrambling to put together Evan’s birthday party. Even though it’s a small family only party, but knowing how much I like to decorate for parties, I had to take care of all the details! On top of the party itself, I wanted to be fair and make Evan a one year birthday scrapbook and chalkboard. Needless to say, with all the unpacking from our trip and birthday related crafts, I got very little sleep these past few days! I have been so tired but looking at the final results, I think all the hours put into this is worth it! Let’s take a look at my Travel Themed Party~~

原來我們家Evan名字只要拿掉後面的N就變成長榮航空........ 真的很適合我的旅行主題的趴踢!

I was very tempted to remove the N in Evan, this way it will become EVA Airline which is perfect for the Travel Themed party!!

 這個蛋糕是我朋友幫我客製的, 我超愛超愛超愛!!! 上面寫著我們今年去旅行的地方~

This is THE BEST Birthday cake I can ever ask for Evan! Huge thanks to my talented friend at Shea's Sweet Shop. 

就是這個生日黑版，花了我好多好多好多睡眠的時間
This is the birthday chalkboard that cost me A LOT of sleep!

每次生日都一定要來用我心愛的拍立得照相! 

I love my instax, it's great for kids birthday guestbooks!

大大的感謝我的美麗好友贊助我燈盒裝飾, 光是一個燈盒就讓整個照相區變得超級無敵高級
Big thanks to my friend for lending me the light box! It makes my "EVAN AIR" so much more legit!!

這一年來我們去過的地方

Directional signs for the places we traveled this past year

 弟弟超趕工的週歲箱簿和給來參加趴踢家人的謝禮.

The scrapbook that kept me up till midnight on display, as well as the thank you gifts for our guests.

 時鐘牆。這面牆花了我兩年才完成! 剛好趕上這次弟弟旅遊主題的生日!

The World Clock Wall - This wall took me 2 years to finish. Just in time for my Travel themed party!

 蛋糕真的太可愛了!!!!

The Cake is just too pretty, so I shall showcase it AGAIN!! 

這個是我趴踢裡面最最最驕傲也是最有話題性的佈置了! 可惜我們家沒有印表機，不然我可以用的更像! 

I am so so so so so in love with this "In Flight Snack" idea!! Just perfect for the travel theme and hey, I happened to have a rolling cart and some snacks around! 

這個地圖來的時間真是剛好! 它是我的生日禮物，可是超級適合我兒子的趴踢!

This Map came at the perfect time! It's my birthday present from my friend and just soooo suitable for Evan's party! It's one of those scratch-off-where-you-have-been map. I must say, I was very disappointed when I only scratched off a teeny tiny part of this map. Here we are thinking we went to travel around the world, but in reality, we only flew around the world. We still have a LOT to go!

 今日主角!
Boy of the day!!

這個孩子很執著，抓周的時候很明確的抓住計算機，之後什麼都不要了!! 真的不愧是個金牛座阿!!

In the Chinese tradition, on baby's first birthday, they will play a game that indicates what they will become when they grow up. Essentially, you lay a group of items that represents different fields of work and let the child crawl to pick their favourite one. Evan is very determined, he went to a calculator and wouldn't even look at anything else! I guess he will be a saver just like his dad!

《混亂媽咪日記》每個媽咪的食物戰

從孩子剪臍帶的那天，大部分媽媽就開始為了孩子的那個豆大的胃開始擔憂。剛開始的前幾天為了寶寶體重下降而傷心自己的奶怎麼會不夠，到前幾個月每天追奶，不然就是掙扎要母奶還是配方奶。奶的情況好不容易平穩了，馬上又開始要擔心副食品。寶寶會不會過敏，有沒有吃的夠，會不會吃太多，營養有沒有均衡....熬熬熬，熬到1-2歲才開始給有加調味料的食物，等到大開戒以後煩惱好像只有增無減。孩子挑不挑食，是不是只愛吃零食，為什麼都不吃飯諸如此類的擔憂每天都在上演。

From the moment the doctors or dads cut off the umbilical cords, most moms around the world face the constant struggle on what’s the best food for their children. In the first few weeks of after birth, moms have to decide between breastfeeding or formula feeding. Soon after that decision has been settled, we have to start worrying about how and when to introduce solids and table food. We constantly struggle on different types of worry regardless of age, worries such as allergies and nutrition.

如今我們出國遊玩幾個月，當二寶媽的我當然也不得清閒。快三歲的兒童我已經放生給老公顧，反正那個已經大開食戒了，只要不是太重口味我都睜一隻眼閉一隻眼。嬰兒我不得不顧到，雖然二寶已經跟大家說的一樣在照豬養了（沒錯，我在台灣沒輒的情況下還給他吃過鼎王湯底的泡飯....真的很該剁手的媽媽）可是偶爾是偶爾，我們出門在外不能天天都吃鼎王啊！ 準備好了一個三人用的小電鍋，貴夫人食物調理機，大包小包的寶寶餐具和用品，終於要開始這場嬰幼兒的食物之旅了。

Knowing the fact that we will be traveling for a few months, being the mom of 2, of course I will try my best to pack all the baby food making gadgets for my baby. As for my toddler.... something’s gotta give right? I have empowered my husband to be in charge of our toddler’s meals (yes ordering from different restaurants LOL). As crazy as it sounds, I did pack a small electric steamer, a magic bullet and baby food storage gadgets.

到了機場check-in兩件無比重的行李以後正開始懷抱要前往杜拜的興奮感時，過了安檢的我慣性的背起我的媽媽包要往duty free前進的同時，我背包被security 扣留下來了........security平靜的跟我說：「媽麻，食物剪不能帶上飛機喔」。 

On our way to Dubai, as we go through airport security, my diaper bag was pulled to the side as usual (because it contains baby food and water etc..). This time to my surprise, I was not allowed to retrieve my  bag, and to my horror, the security told me that I cannot bring food scissors on board.  

看到這裡的朋友們應該會分兩批，正常人可能會覺得就一把剪刀，再買就好。跟我一樣有小小朋友的爸媽們可能比較能體會這句話在我心中放下的原子彈。這句話好比security跟我說：「媽麻，妳手上的柏金包不能帶喔」！！！這把剪刀可是跟了我的兩個孩子，剪過無數頓美食，而且我們接下來的兩個月本來都要靠它的！！！security給了我三個選擇，出去請人帶回去，出去打包一把剪刀並且托運，繼續前進，剪刀作廢。我認真的考慮出去托運，可是看著身上背的奶娃，眼前的2歲童，再看看外面櫃檯的距離，我真的只能看著海關把它丟棄，然後在心中默念：我最愛的食物剪，希望你下輩子能找到一個好人家啊啊啊啊........

Now, most people will think I am crazy for being so dramatic over a pair of scissors, but I am sure some moms will agree with me that it is THE most important piece of equipment in my diaper bag (other than the diapers of course!). I have used it to cut up many gourmet meals over the last 2 years for Eli, and I was planning to use it A LOT during this trip. It was a dumb mistake on my part...trust me, I know scissors are not allowed on the plane! However, when I got a million things to pack, it is soooooo easy to forget that one of your diaper bag staples can be used as a weapon on the plane.......... 

好不容易到了杜拜，心情終於又平復回到興奮的狀態。看著飯店附送的水果盤，我開開心心的把它們切成小塊丟入貴夫人要打個營養的果泥給寶寶吃，怎知一按下開關，貴夫人發出比平常大兩倍的聲音，同時後面冒出不可被忽略的火花。我！的！貴！夫！人！！！！她就這樣慘死在220V的高壓電底下！！！！台灣和溫哥華的電壓都是110V，我腦裡一直以為我的電器需要的用電是110，這裡電壓可以供應到220，我只用到一半，一定沒問題的......沒想到是不管你的電器需要多少，我就要給足220v，炸死外來的電器！ 

So I finally got over the trauma that my food scissors were tossed once we arrived the hotel. Upon check-in we were welcomed by a bowl of fresh fruit amenity in the room. This really lightened up our first day in Dubai. All of us were enjoying the fruit, and I whipped out my magic bullet to blend some for Evan as well. As soon as I pressed blend, the blender made a very loud blending noise accompanied by a large spark firing out from the back side. I never took physics in high school, but I definitely learned about physics first hand on this day. When your electronics says it’s for 110V, do not try to plug it into a 220V outlet. The 220V outlet will fry your appliances in few seconds.

我的寶寶泥夢瞬間粉碎，跟我的貴夫人和吹風機同時燒毀（是的，我的吹風機也是無辜的受高壓電亡魂.......我要吹頭髮啊！！！）。電鍋這下我也不敢用了，至少我還能確定他是好的，只是增加行李重量罷了。這一個禮拜來，在天天外食的情況下，二來又是有一頓沒一頓，我也只能盡量挑水果壓成碎碎，cheese切小塊，點炒蛋來度日，最後還是得買一些包裝的有機寶寶泥。我得說當我覺得現成的寶寶泥對我孩子是最健康的選擇後，當媽媽的我真的覺得很失敗，可是也很無奈沒其他的辦法。

So my healthy baby food dream was shattered on day 1 of our 2 month trip. Great. Evan ended up eating every other meal instead of every meal, and I can only try to mush up soft fruits, cut some cheese cubes, feed him scrambled eggs through out the trip. Unfortunately, his most nutritious meals were the organic packaged baby foods.

說到包裝，讓我們再回到我那個快3歲的幼童上。最近他吃飯讓我也覺得很無奈，開始覺得包裝的水果泥零食反而是他最近吃的比較健康的東西（失敗感x2）。少爺自從兩歲以後，吃的幾乎就跟我們大人一樣了。在家我煮的東西這兩年來都難以下嚥因為為了兒子我的料理都無味.....好聽一點是，食物的原味。 當一來開始有意識以後，我們大人吃的東西他也都會想要分一杯羹，所以在我所能控制的範圍底下，我幾乎很少給他吃外面的零食。出來玩可就不一樣了，我沒辦法控制的事情太太太多了，他像是脫韁的野馬，甜點果汁炸物樣樣都來。 在家我只有牛奶和水，在杜拜的飯店裡果汁選項超多，我只能安慰自己至少是給他喝現榨果汁。

Speaking of packaged baby food, it’s sad to say that during this trip I find the most nutritious meals for my toddler are also the packaged fruit snacks. Before Eli turned 2 I have tried so hard to make his food as natural as possible, which means almost no seasoning. Since he turned 2 he has slowly transitioned to adult food (more flavor). Nevertheless I still try to control what he eats, which means healthy snacks that are home made or low seasoned home cooked meals.  

在外面，家裡的規矩真的很難維持（麻煩正義媽媽們不要碎念我說其實有多簡單，我這裡真的只是想要討拍）。可能是到了熱帶國家，原本吃很多的一來，最近吃一兩口就說不吃了。不然就是每次外面點的餐點很多都會搭配薯條，也真奇怪了，所有的孩子好像都與生俱來的知道薯條很好吃，看到薯條一定都先吃。 少爺吃了幾根薯條配上一些果汁就跟我說吃飽了。為娘的我看的也氣飽了....相信我，我真的已經很努力的在點適合2-3歲兒童可以吃的餐了，只是外國薯條這個東西真的很陰魂不散！

I knew my healthy eating habits will be out the door once we embark on our trip.... and I was 100% right! It feels like it’s genetically programmed in kids that fries, juice and ice cream are THE BEST FOOD IN THE WORLD. Even if we order a pasta (used to be eli’s favourite) and a burger, Eli no doubt will aim for the fries first. After a few fry and some juice, he will claim that he’s full. It is really frustrating that he is feeding on junk food all day and the sad thing is I can do almost nothing because we are always out and about. 

最後，是不是只有我很受不了外國人的兒童餐？裡面根本就是兒童不能吃的東西大集合？！？！ 其中大概只有兩樣東西我會想要點給我兒子，芝士三明治跟芝士通心粉，其餘的兒童餐通常都是熱狗，火腿，炸魚，薯條，巧克力蛋糕，果汁等等。明明懷孕的時候醫生有說不能吃熱狗火腿類的食物，就是因爲這些真的是很不好的產品，可是所有商家都要賣這個給孩子吃？！當媽以後真的很多內心戲，大家就將就聽我唸一唸吧！

Since we are in the complaining mode, I will like to raise a question. Why is it that kids meal in most restaurants are full of things that kids actually should not eat? Things such as hotdogs, pepperoni pizza, ham sandwich, fries, chocolate cake etc... When doctors specifically tell pregnant women that deli meat shouldn’t be eaten during pregnancy, doesn’t that mean it is not good for developing children as well? I know they taste good and it’s just so easy, but come on! Ok I am done complaining for the day~ moms out there, let me know if you are as crazy as me!!